Am I insane?

I think I know the answer, I am not insane but maybe I am just different (*or I’m really insane?*)…
Well…few days ago I came across the article about telepathy (*oh boy, here we go again*) and it really caught my imagination. It’s not really hard to make me think about that kind of stuff because several times in my life I seriously thought about something like that because I had some strange experiences I thought they need some kind of explanation (*or not*)…
Before I start tattling about telepathy I need to say that I really really believe in a power of our minds! We are so not aware of the power we have in our heads (*well some people more, some less*)…Brain, brain is still the only part of our body we don’t really understand AND sometimes I think it’s good we don’t understand it because if we do, if we become aware of what we can do…ah I think the chaos would quickly replace the “beauty” of not knowing…simply because we are humans, and humans always tend to use good stuff on a wrong way…am i right?

About telepathy…hm, telepathy as a term for transfer information, thoughts and feelings without using classic five senses was firstly mentioned 1882. Parapsychology describes different types of telepathy:
Physical, emotional and mental telepathy.
Maybe people think this is funny but I would say: “think about it”, take a look at the past, from the very early beginning of any types of communication till today. Bell was awarded for telephone invention 1876, back than people would probably laugh on the mention about touchscreen mobiles, right? So yes, today maybe you laugh about transfer of thoughts!
I am not going to speak about scientific results and some brain researchers who discovered some interesting facts about this but instead I want to share something that bothers me for some time now….
About a year ago I met a person who lives very far from me, and I was about to meet that person this year. I will try to make this story short: 5 or 6 months ago I lost regular connection with that person. To make it clear: I was not in any type of love/romantic relationship with that person, it was a pure exchange of thoughts, and actually we did realize it is kind of strange how sometimes I am a mirror of that person and that person is a mirror of me…In that time when we lost connection I was wandering what’s going on but I was in the same time very busy and did not pay a lot of attention to the fact we lost the contact, somehow it felt like we actually didn’t. After 3 months one night I woke up from a dream about an e-mail from that person saying something about contacting me (and i never had a dream about that person before).
Tomorrow I open my e-mail and there it is, an e-mail.
To make this story short, for about 7 months I can’t stop thinking about that person, it bothers me a lot, it never stops, from the morning till night, sometimes even in my dreams, it never stops, it’s always here. No matter how hard I want to stop thinking about it, it never goes away…sometimes I even feel very happy, sometimes very depressive without a reason, like it is playing with my thoughts…
I don’t know if someone can understand this…and I don’t even know how to explain it, it can’t be described with some particular events, it’s everything on some really strange basis…

I blame my emotional nature, since I was a kid I never looked at people/events physical, I was always living and judging everything based on my emotions and intuition and I must say I was doing that pretty good, I can easily “know” what other person wants me to do or say (even I see that person for the first time in my life), that’s the main reason why I think this story is a little more than just a story…
Sometimes I think “come on, this can’t be true” and it usually lasts for not more than 10mins because I really strongly feel something is not right…

All I want to say is that I think two people who once made a strong connection actually never go apart, it can be beautiful but it can bring a lot of problems too…
I’m not very good in expressing thoughts this way but I hope some of you understand this…you are of course allowed to laugh at me too…:)

Beat of the day…

How i feel? I must say i don’t hear that question very often, when i think about it, no, i don’t hear that question at all. You know when someone ask: “How are you?” that’s an usual question without special emotions, just a phrase to begin some conversation.

Deep, lost, confused, strong, deep, sensitive, strong…-these are words that describe answer to “how i feel?”

Family? What i think about my family? I don’t have some special family, but who has?? I think we all just acting some families, coz we all want to be something that society want us to be, that’s what i hate the most, you don’t have to be that, i’m always what i am, and i’m so proud, actually i enjoy breaking „the rules of society“.

God? What i think about God? I have my own God, i have my believes, i don’t go to church very often, i don’t need that, church is just a building that man build and then sprinkle some holy water around and read few lines from the bible and that’s the church. Not for me, i have a true church inside my heart, i go there, i pray there, i share my thoughts with God there…

Did you watch „The Departed“ film? When Frank Costello says: „When you decide to be something, you can be it. That’s what they don’t tell you in the church. When I was your age they would say we can become cops, or criminals. Today, what I’m saying to you is this: when you’re facing a loaded gun, what’s the difference?“ i like how he says that church wants you to „keep commands“, you know that: „kneel, stand, kneel, stand…“ i think society did all that nonsense, i think God wouldn’t want that…

„I don’t want to be a product of my environment. I want my environment to be a product of me.“

The other night…i was laying down on my bed, watching films with my boyfriend, the tv and the dvd are next to my side of the bed, so he was trying to reach dvd and he lay across my side, his chest was under my feet and i felt something, i felt his heart in my toe, his heart beat right there in my toe, just for a few seconds but that was spectacular feeling….

@night

INTRO

I love to travel, I love trains, I like unknown people…
Few days ago i was sitting on a train, watching my shoes, thought about some places where i was in these shoes, “does shoes remember all those grounds where they were?”, i had a headache so i fall asleep.
Then something wakes me up, it was an old curtain hanging from that window, touching my face!
There was a young man sitting across me, talking to a woman sitting next to me, i was listening to their conversation and looking through the window, i saw that man looking at me every few seconds, like he wants to involve me in their stupid conversation so i just run away in that wood that was passing by my window so fast…
I thought: “Fuck people, who the fuck cares what you did yesterday, and WHO THE FUCK cares about the weather? People are so funny, sometimes i find myself looking at them with a stupid smile on my face…that’s why i LOVE unknown people, they have no idea what kind of opinion i have for our specie!” *that man across me was looking at my smiling face*

So i just returned to my seat and forget about all that. I was looking at those small houses outside and thinking: “People really live here? Why? Don’t they like bigger places? They don’t like city buildings, lights, noise? What, they listening this silence all day? Train is the only sound that reminds them they’re far away from…from…from everything? What do i mean by everything?” Suddenly i start to thinking about my hometown: “Where is the boy who was sitting next to me in school?”

Then i opened the book i was holding, i always bring some books when i travel, in most of these travelings i don’t read a single letter but i love to have a book by my side in case i really want to read or i really need to escape from boring people, and that man was still looking at me, being closer and closer to begin a conversation, so i opened my book quickly and that’s it, that pose was shouting: “FUCK OFF, I WANT TO READ!!”, i loved it so i put that stupid smile on my face again…

The book was about some lost soldier, in future, he wakes up in unknown world with unknown people, and he doesn’t remember who he is or what he’s doing there. I thought: “This is so great, I would like to be a soldier who doesn’t remember who he is…”

The train stopped, i looked through the window: “This is my stop!!”, hoping i didn’t say that on loud, took my bag and left the train…Damn, no one is waiting for me, no hugs, no hellos.
While i was walking away i felt like someone is watching me, like i left a piece of me there on the stairs and i’m watching myself walking away…that was strange feeling…i didn’t turn…just putted that stupid smile on my face…

where?